It was easier when they all wanted ballgowns
by Daria234
Summary: A fairy godmother and her charge argue about picking out an outfit for a big event. It gets nasty and becomes a fight about stereotypes different generations of women have of each other. Humor ficlet and complete CRACK! Don't read if you don't like


Written for comment_fic on livejournal

Prompt was a fairy godmother can't get the outfit right for a big event

"Dude, I'm not wearing this!"

"But it's lovely, child!"

"It looks like a bridesmaid dress from the 50's!"

"Thank you, sweetie."

"Um. How about this one?"

"It's... a little revealing."

"No, it's modern and young-looking."

"Are you sure you want a store-bought dress, darling? I can whip one up in no time, and it'll be one-of-a-kind!"

"I am NOT wearing a homemade dress for something this important. No offense."

"Of course, dear, you're anxious because of the ball."

"It's not a ball. It's an award ceremony for activists. It's a big deal in some circles, okay? How about this one?"

"No, dear, pick one that makes you look like a proper young maiden. How about this one?"

"That one looks like a costume at one of those pirate-themed restaurants."

"Oh my! You're right, this won't do at all. We need something that will attract the right kind of man - a handsome young prince is just the type for you."

"Yeah... about that....I'm already in a relationship."

"What? But you're not married!"

"Yeah, FG, you know those two guys you met at the bar last night?"

"One of those filthy gentlemen!?"

"Both. And they're not filthy!"

"Oh. Um. Well. I've always supported young women who reject the social rules of their day. Um. I mean usually that means that they call peasants by name rather than referring to them as dogs, but, whatever. How about this blue one?"

"No, too frumpy."

"This pink one then?"

"Like I would ever wear pink!"

"What is that supposed to mean?!" the fairy godmother said, glaring from the face that rested between the tall pink hat and the long pink dress.

"Oh, um, no offense. I just - "

"You know what? Forget it! I've had enough of you and your whole stupid century! In my day, girls didn't act like this!"

"Women! Not girls, not 'child,' women! And I feel sorry for you if you can't deal with women being a little more liberated than you're used to !"

"Liberated?! Because you show lots of cleavage and call it empowering? And then you drag me to this haven of imperialistic commercialism -- to the MALL!!? Don't you DARE presume to tell me about women's power! I come from the days of matriarchy! When women wielded the power that came from the earth, from the cycles of life and death and the moon and the sea!"

"Oh, good. Again with the earth mother stuff. Shall I light a campfire?"

"Hey, you wouldn't have what you have without what my generation did! And look how you've frittered the power away! In my day, men were just toys, objects of virility we used for sex, labor and dangerous missions. What do you do? You let them run the world!"

"Okay, first of all, it's not like I personally did any of that! And second, your matriarchy sounds awful! It's almost as bad as patriarchy! Plus, there's no role for third-gender and nongendered people!"

"Seriously? That's your defense? What does that have to do with wearing nice dresses and letting birds perch on your arm and sing to you and being, you know, maybe a little NICE to your fairy godmother?"

"Well maybe if you spent more time using your magic for important stuff and less time criticizing my clothes!"

"But look at you! With your tight clothes and tacky prints and your belt with glued-on crystals! And your Ugh boots - which are obviously short for 'ugly!' Seriously, you look like a laboratory accident combined Rainbow Brite, a wet sheepdog, and a whore!"

"Well, you look like the tooth fairy ate a dozen strawberry poptarts and crapped out your dress!"

"Listen, bitch, I KNOW the tooth fairy, and if she were here, she would kick your spoiled ass!"

"Yeah, I do a lot of Tae Bo, so we'll see. Now I'm going to pick out a dress that _I_ like, and you can shut up or we can take this outside!"

"Screw you, princess! I'm out of here!"

The fairy godmother stormed out of the department store angrily, taking a minute in the parking lot to compose herself and calm down.

"I'm getting way too old for this job," she muttered to herself as she got into her hybrid and popped in her Joni Mitcell CD. "Though, to be fair, she's less of an asshole than Cinderella was."


End file.
